Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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