The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We are all done wearing pants today
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
