so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
