Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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