i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
