I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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