You made me cry and you don't even care
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You ruined the universe
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
