The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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