you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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