Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
