Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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