so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
