Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
