I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
