Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
