Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
