dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
