A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
