I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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