It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize