I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
