Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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