I will die if light touches me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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