they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
These tits shall not be calmed
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
