your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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