Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't deserve a penis
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
