Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize