At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize