I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
