i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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