I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
