Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
