where am i from again
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
