he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
