That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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