Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
only if we run a train.
done.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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