It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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