put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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