I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize