My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
