he told me I talked like a deaf person
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
