omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
