So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
