I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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