It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize