I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
