No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
