turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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