Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So many bounce houses so little time
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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