so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
