Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
