Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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