If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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