The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
