I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
