When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
