I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
