the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
