what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize