if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She said her name was "party"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
