i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
