I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
