Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize