i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
