It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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